I’m eating nothing!!

If you have read other posts you will be aware of my battle with the bulge. Without trying to sound dramatic, that wouldn’t be like me at all, I liken it to a serious addiction. Food is my drug of choice and I don’t know how to become rehabilitated. I literally flip flop from wanting to loose weight and swearing to make a massive effort to throwing in the towel and accepting that I’ll never be slim. That switch could happen at least four times an hour. Every time professing to anyone that will listen…. this time will be different…..and it never is.

Writing this tonight I’m in binge mode and weight loss is the furthest thing from my mind I’m having a fat food Friday and I’m loving every minute of it. Until tomorrow when I try on my jeans and I’m like 7 pounds of rice shoved into a 5 pound bag. (I think the correct  phrase is 7 pound of shit but you know… I didn’t want to be vulgar).

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Food is My Addiction

I want to give people a little insight into my daily struggle with food. It’s something that I’ve been giving a lot of thought to lately. Food, our source of nourishment, the fuel we need to live, the sustenance that drives us, is none of those things in my mind. Simply put it’s a source of pleasure for me. There is nothing I enjoy more than sitting down and indulging in my favourite foods. Savoury or sweet it’s irrelevant as long as there is plenty of it and I don’t have to share.

In preparing for Operation Transformation myself and the mother had a few frank conversations. I told her things I had never voiced to anyone. One admission being that if myself and the children are eating something I love, I’ll sit and hope that they won’t finish so that I can eat their leftovers. My mother and I laughed out of embarrassment and nervousness. Does that mean I’m a bad mother? Does that mean I’m selfish? Greedy? What I do know is that it’s a big problem.

So addiction is a big word at the moment. Sex addiction, internet addiction and the good traditional ones like alcohol and gambling.