Women and Men Can’t Be Just Friends

I’ve written in the past about not having any male friends.  Well that statement is not entirely true. I have male friends. I just don’t have any male friends that I haven’t kissed!!! There has been at some point in our friendship, a blurring of the lines so to speak. I attribute this inability to maintain clear lines to an all female education.  I could attribute it to the fact that I’m irresistible but I gave up delusions of grandeur for Lent and never went back.

I remember a married man making contact with me a couple of years ago through Facebook. Not a friend so to speak but someone I had chatted to many times. When I saw the name pop up my mind flooded with motives. Not many of them had innocent intent. Turns out he liked my writing and hoped to write himself so just wanted a meeting of minds so to speak.

I was saddened by my jump to a sexual conclusion.

I felt that I had taken his character almost. I apologised to him in my head and vowed to be less suspicious. It did uncover an infinite number of questions about friendships between women and men.Can a man and a woman ever be ‘just friends’?  Related to my own situation, can a single woman be friends with a man who is in a relationship?

My opinion is that yes there can be friendships between members of the opposite sex. This comes with a big but. My theory is that at some stage of the relationship one or both will wonder……… what it would be like? This is not to say that they would ever act on it but I do think the thoughts are there. It might be a fleeting thought or a lingering one.

It will pop in inevitably.

I am an extremely flirty person. I can even be flirty with women. This is less of a problem when you are in a relationship yourself because you are perceived as less of a threat. When you are single, and I have been single for a long time, I find myself dialling down the flirt for the simple reason that I would hate to think that anyone thought that there was intent behind it.

So the question remains. Can a single person have a friendship with a person in a relationship? I think like everything in life it’s not cut and dry. There can be a friendship but it’s not going to be without its difficulties. People will talk, that’s what they do.  Rumours can often be fruitless but that doesn’t mean that feelings won’t get hurt. The people in the relationship need to be secure. Very secure. When I say secure I mean locked down Fort Knox style. This is especially in the case of a new friendship.

I probably over think things but that’s my nature. As I get older I love the perspective that a man brings to the table and I would very much like to develop more male friendships. This would only be in a situation where I was certain that I wasn’t causing any grief for anyone.  Although I love the company of a man I will always be a woman’s woman.  I know one thing is for certain. I bet there’s a few women reading this now thinking…..

I wonder what it would be like?

Monday Stumble Linky

7 thoughts on “Women and Men Can’t Be Just Friends

  1. When I was single I had two – TWO – guys break off their friendships with me because of what other people said (namely that surely we couldn’t be JUST friends etc etc.) I’d never had any romantic inclination towards either guy. To this day, I’ve no idea who was saying what, only that I felt very hurt that neither stood up for what, to me, were important friendships. Now I’m married, I’d be careful about having single male friends simply because even if nothing happened, other people would likely assume otherwise, as keeping their noses out is apparently impossible.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have male friends. Not a lot but I do have a few and they know where they stand with me and I with them. I can sort of agree with you as a single woman myself that finding male friends who don’t have an agenda is incredibly difficult to find. I have also ended friendships with men who I have been extremely attracted to and couldn’t get past it but that was my own issue, not theirs. And that was 10 years ago. These days, I’m willing to be friends with men but I have a problem wondering what their intentions are and that prevents a good friendship from really blossoming. #LGRTStumble

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is interesting as a friend of mine did a twitter poll about this just the other week. Personally I think you can be friends with blokes, I have as many male friends as I do female friends.
    I think at the begining of the friendship you consciously or subconsciously decide the person is not attractive to you, and once that issue has been dealt with friendships can blossom.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You’re looking at it all wrong I think. A man (me) could never be true friends with a woman he’s attracted to. I’ve probably got as many female as male friends, and it’s not that they’re all mutants, but they are great fun, and know where they stand with me. I’d no more want a relationship with them than I would with a close cousin (that’s not at all by the way), and some are friends with my wife, and I’m friends with some of their husbands. I’ve never thought about “it” with them, again with the cousin thing, but I’ll never talk about with them the stuff I talk about with my male friends, and vice versa. So for me, a male/female friendship is different to other friendships, probably not as open but definitely as valued.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. yeah but for women…. if you are really fond of someone they become attractive to you in some cases. I accept that they are not the same and I did make the point that one or the other will have the thought. Just because you think of them as cousins (shouldn’t really use that analogy in Ireland ha!!!) doesn’t mean that they haven’t thought about what it would be like!


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